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sadness

Sep. 28th, 2008 | 07:44 pm
mood: anxious anxious

I feel like my world is crashing. I thought I had people I could talk with but they do horrible things... the smell...the smell of that stupid plant brings back nightmares..I never want to have these thoughts... now I have to stay away.. I don't want to handicap them from their delights...

Ill just stay away for a bit.. I doubt it get better...but I must try to let them have fun

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the song says it all

Jul. 16th, 2008 | 10:47 pm
mood: drained drained

Hear me

You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting...
'Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams
Bring you close to me
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me

Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me

I used to be scared of
Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely
Being on my own
No one to talk to
And no one to hold me
I'm not always strong
Oh, I need you here
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me

I'm restless and wild
I fall, but I try
I need someone to understand
Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts
And baby I've fought
For all that I've got
Can you hear me?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me...

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feeling lonely

Jun. 7th, 2008 | 09:23 pm
mood: hot hot

been awhile since i have gone to some of the fur events and im starting back up on going but it seems different.. As if there is something missing.. it gets to be such a lonely feeling *sighs and curls up* i hate all this crap.. I wish for once I could just be content with life and be happy again... I wonder when that will be...

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Nightmares

May. 8th, 2008 | 11:02 pm
mood: cracked cracked

The crappiest thing about having a glass heart is that when it breaks it cuts you from the inside out... Kat Kesler told me that once...

I guess tomorrow is gonna be a horrible day..I cant sleep...I can hear it...its starting to crack...I wonder if it'll bleed...im afraid to fall asleep..im afraid to take my next breath...I'm afraid of everything tonight...

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Musical mania!

Mar. 12th, 2008 | 03:05 pm

So I ended up talking with Jess about a lot of the good musicals that have been out and are coming awhile ago... So, I started pondering about all my absolute favorites from musicals like RENT (thanks to Jess), Across The Universe, Hairspray (Thanks to Jess AGAIN), and Sweeney Todd. Of course I also cant wait to go see Mama Mia when it comes out! So I am gonna post my favorite songs on here with the clips from the movies...Or maybe the trailer versions of the songs if i cant find the original scenes...


RENT - La Vie Boheme



Across the Universe Trailer Version - I've Just Seen A Face



HairSpray - I Can Hear The Bells (I swear i would have hated this movie if Jessica didn't make me listen to this Soundtrack so much to the point I started to like it...)



Sweeney Todd - A Little Priest (Couldn't find original video course movie is still in theatres and all but god i love this song..Cannibalism for the win! LOL still cant believe me and jess can sing this duet perfectly..Im a decent enough low key singer to do Depp's half)


Cant wait for Mama Mia!!

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random stuff

Mar. 4th, 2008 | 09:24 am

かぜく







豪族 【ごうぞく】
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DFA!!!

Feb. 27th, 2008 | 09:45 pm
mood: enthralled enthralled

Dance Floor Anthem by Good Charlotte...I heart this song... MV kinda sux but oh well I still love it....

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Amelia is done...

Feb. 18th, 2008 | 11:28 am

So I managed to finish Amelia, her character sheet is on my FA yey...She is a different side of me I don't like to express because it doesn't fit in with any one alive...I also managed to get a similar av of her on SL. I wear it around and just listen to random mumbles of people..I sat up and read last night..I know it was a stupid thing to do...Idk why we women are always compelled to read love novels when we feel lonely..I misread people a lot...I hung out with James/Shadow whatever he likes to be called..First time I had seen him in months..I remembered why I hadn't been around him in so long..always hitting me in the head with his wallet just cuz I say something he thinks I shouldn't say...and then after he left he went on that stupid tangent "i wuv you and blah blah blah" I don't taken men should tell other women how much they love them and stuff..Im kinda repulsed he even does that..oh well..I feel bad for his lil gf...*sigh* I am bored...I should be working on Momo some more or even my calc homework but my brain doesn't even want to function..I dont even feel like drawing...I should go out and do something before I waste the day away...Idk what to do...I just know I shouldn't sit in my room and be emo... hmm maybe I will go to the book store and buy stuff..maybe go buy a jamba juice to flush out the ugly unclean feeling in me...for some reason fruit smoothies always refresh me...god fruit sounds so good, or a damn salad. oh how i miss giant salads..god Id love to drive to Sedona and go to the Hideaway..its so peaceful to listen to the birds on the outside area, watch the hummingbirds whip by in the trees and listen to the creek run by below...*sigh* if only my shitty car could make that drive...I know it cant..oh well I guess maybe when I get a better car someday I can go back and have a fresh made from scratch pizza and awesome salad with meats and yummy italian dressing..hmm its almost lunch time...I guess Ill go eat now...

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Conffuzled...I suppose

Feb. 7th, 2008 | 09:22 pm
mood: confused confused

So I have this friend who I really like but they don't want a relationship..I can cope with that much..but..if they get upset over other men doing flirting or something similar..what am I suppose to say? This came to me mainly because I ended up talking with my ex Eric one day and he asked me if I was seeing anyone and the other time during Further Confusion when I shot down my friend Morrin and he pretty much snickered and told me that was stupid because it wasn't like me and my friend were together...I honestly don't know what to say..I told Eric no because it is the honest truth. I am not in a relationship with anyone..but at the same time i feel bad because I know my friend must feel something for me to get upset at certain things others do...*sigh* I am not sure anymore..I think I am gonna take some time to myself for a couple days..I hope Shigeko Sensee makes us have class next week on the 14th..I really need something to distract me from that horrible holiday....
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Save My Lips..

Jan. 30th, 2008 | 10:17 pm
mood: depressed depressed

Lips (Oberon) is my just barely over one year old Medium Hair cat. I love him...Most humans consider pets somewhat a degree of family..He is a part of my family..I as a cat fur kind of think of him as a son...I was there on his whelping day..I watched him be born..I helped him when he stranded away from his mom, Aiko, and unknowningly crawled under a desk, his eyes hadnt opened yet... Now he is sick..from what I am not sure...the vet said the only way to know for sure was to get a urinalysis and possibly X-rays.. of which together with other fees is a 500 dollar vet bill..that is 500 I don't have...I need help...Over the course of my life I have never had the choice of what my mom decided of the fate of our animals..now I am an adult and I have a say..She was raised on a farm where animal's lives didn't mean much..but to me they do..I don't want to just kill off a wonderful animal because he got sick and so early in his life.. I will find a way...I just need help..
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